Thursday, July 8, 2010

making an effort

I am going to starting right now, make more of an effort towards this whole "blogging" thing. I am still very new to this whole amazing community and I want to be more involved in it. I am going to stop making "I'm to busy excuses" and just do it, truth is I'm not all that busy I just have a hard time sitting down and writing whats on my mind. To write what is on ones mind means to actually analyze whats on ones mind and as the days goes by I find myself not wanting to live in whats actually going on. It has taken me several weeks to kind of come to terms with this whole deployment so to speak. I find myself wishing that there was a guide to tell you what feelings are "normal" however I have realized that no one gets to tell me how I should feel and what is and isn't "normal" in my life right now. I am finding it much harder then I could have ever prepared myself for..... I miss having my husband home, home where be belongs. I feel so alone right now yet I am surrounded by people, I have had a really hard time with the emotions that I don't quite know how to deal with yet. Steve has been gone for 4 weeks and some days it feels like he has been gone forever and other days it feels like he left yesterday. I am having a hard time with my upcoming trip to WA to see my husband for his 4 day pass before he actually leaves country for Iraq. I have skyped a few times with my soldier this week and man was it good to see his face, his smile but it almost made it harder to see him and know I can't touch him but such is the lifestyle right? This post as always is all over the place.

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