Feeling oh so blah today

So I for the past few days have been feeling better but still not quite like myself. Steven was busy yesterday so we didn't talk much and that's OK I understand he has stuff he has to do, but when we did talk I couldn't help but be completely irritated. I know that it wasn't all his fault I just haven't been feeling right lately and I just can't explain it. He called to talk to me about his pay issues ( no one is getting paid ) and I am kinda just sick of hearing about it as always with he military they say one thing and do another then change it 28 times before things get straightened out. Steve told me he would call me back when he got out of finance and I was busy and couldn't talk so I called him when I had gotten into bed last night and he was busy at a promotion party and I could not even hear him so he said he would call back I waited about 20 minutes and did not hear back from him ( again I know he is busy ) and so I sent him a text telling him to just call me tomorrow I was going to bed ( 5am wake up calls come super early ). Steve called me shortly after and I was so very irritated I was tired and just not in the mood to talk. He proceeded to tell me how he was disappointed about his promotion ( he is up for promotion and put in a packet a few months back but because of some paper work being a few days out of date they didn't even consider him ) I was then really irritated he was told he could put in another packet for promotion board in Aug. and do you think he has worked on it at all?!? heck no.... then he tells me he wants to promote blah blah blah and I told him no you don't or you would have worked on your packet and wouldn't be making excuses. He then gets mad at me and tells me fine I'll call in the morning, and at this point I don't care what he does he deserves the promotion but this is on him and I'm sick of always being the one to have to push him to do what he needs to do. I got a text this morning tell me that he needs his ass kicked sometimes and that hes going to do group PT and then play volleyball so he will call me today at some point then signs the text SSG Rolofson... I am not impressed even if he was trying to be funny, I woke up fine this morning and now that I have stewed about this I am now irritated again.... here is to today only going up from here.

Monday, Monday....

Another week is done and gone and I haven't accomplished much of my giant to do list. I have been so busy since Steven left 2 weeks ago and I feel as though nothing is getting accomplished but such is life. I had another amazing weekend with my amazing family! I am so thankful that they all live so close because I more then ever need them now. Steven is finally off of the night shift and it's about time! I really miss talking to him throughout the day. I have been working on a few deployment projects they will take me some time but I think he will appreciate them! I also feel so much better about the upcoming deployment as I now have a deployment buddy! Lindsey's husband will be deploying shortly after my husband so it will be nice to have someone going through what I am going through at the same time. This oil spill is really depressing not only for the obvious reasons but because of our upcoming vacation to the gulf coast of FL. I did however finally get my watches sized so I can finally wear them they are such cute summer watches! Since Lindsey came in to my life a few short days ago things have been so much better I fill like I finally have someone to talk to who completely gets it and I am ever so thankful for her!! I really need to find myself back at the gym I have really been slacking lately and it would probably make me feel better for many reasons. I have all intentions of starting to tan again at some point this week while I know how bad it is for you I need to get some color before I spend 10 days at the beach so I don't all sun burned. I know that this blog has been so random but I just have a lot on my mind right now.... like the fact that my parents will be here in a little over 3 weeks to redo my bathroom all the tile in the shower and new tile on the floor with a new vanity and I am SO excited but I really need to get my bathroom cleaned out before the bathroom gutting party in 2 weeks.

Alone again

Steven is once again gone and has been for 2 weeks now. He will return home at the end of the month for 2 weeks and I cannot wait! It's going to be such a bitter sweet time for me though, while I love having him home with me where he belongs I know at the end of the 2 weeks he will be reporting for his 400 day deployment to Iraq. I have found myself full of a lot of guilt lately as I have been going through all of the process of getting ready (ready as much as you can be) for this deployment. I have been a mess of emotions lately and its only bound to get worse I am sure. I talk to Steve everyday and I am thankful for that, but it just isn't the same as having him here. I have been reading a lot of military related books lately on deployments and such and I have decided that they just upset me more and that while I love knowing what I can possibly expect they are just filling me with doubts and I can't do it to myself anymore. I have been spending a TON of time trying to make lists of everything that needs to be taken care of before he leaves and the list just seems so over whelming at this time but I still have a almost 4 weeks to get everything taken care of. I keep finding myself thinking only of me and I hate it but I can't help it. I think of how this year will be living all alone only having myself to depend on... I find myself so filled with guilt because I just want him to leave already and I know that sounds awful but it is soo hard having him gone and home and gone and home. By the time I adjust to him being away he comes home again and then I have to adjust to him being around again, I do cherish every moment we have together but I am ready to start this deployment already so we can start the count down to him being home! He has been gone on and off since Feburary and has been gone far more then he has been home. I will go out to Ft. Lewis (where he is going to deploy from) in early August for a 4 day pass his entire unit will have as they will fly a few days later to Iraq. I can't even begin to imagine what that trip is going to be like other then I'm sure it is going to be full of tears. I have been trying really hard for my husband to see the positive in this situation although it's really hard right now to see any positive but I am trying......